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Thread: IB's Moochy Legal Counsel Fund

  1. #1 IB's Moochy Legal Counsel Fund 
    @RosstheBoss - if this isn't cool, lemme know and I'll take it down.

    WARNING: BIG LONG DRAMATIC CLUSTER-FUCK. Do not read if uninterested.

    So, here's a quick rundown of my situation:

    I'm married, but in 2012 became separated (while Lil Butt was an infant) and the marriage seemed on the rocks, irreconcilably so, and I struck up a relationship with my coworker. It didn't last, but we remained coworkers/friends/on-and-off lovers for a few months...long enough for her to conceive a child in 2013. A few weeks before the baby was born, she married her douche bag ex that she'd been engaged to when I first met her. We've remained cordial since the birth and I've forged a relationship with the baby, taking whole days off with her while her EMT/paramedic husband works 24-hour shifts, and seeing him when she brings him to work. Recently we began to argue over the future direction of my relationship with both her & the baby. After having always claimed she wanted me in his life she began to backtrack as the reality set in that making that happen would mean outing herself as the big pathological liar (and "woman of loose morals") she is to not only her family but her in-laws, all her friends, etc.

    We have talked about doing counseling with a couples specialist even though we are married to other people, just to arbitrate what the right move is, since every time we tried discussing it ourselves it became a huge impassioned argument. Then recently she began to give off vibes of cutting me out entirely from the baby's life, a month or so back when my spouse finally received a Facebook message sent from mine last year (they weren't "in network" with any mutual friends or friends-of-friends, so it went to his "other inbox", an irritating feature on Facebook and something nobody even knows about to check...well, he eventually did learn about his, and check it...and shit blew up). I was relieved, as this brought us one step closer to having everything above board, with no more lying to anybody's families, so we could work on setting up a visitation schedule and behave like adults. She kept procrastinating and coming up with different lame reasons why it was a bad idea or "not the right time". I told her flat out that she and the husband could either figure out a timetable for informing their families, or I'd do it for them.

    The other day, I did just that. I sent a Facebook message to both her brother and his father - neither of whom are in my network, but Facebook lets you add your debit card and pay a one-dollar fee to bypass the "other inbox" and send messages straight to somebody's main inbox where they can actually see it. That resulted in him and her blowing up my phone all night, and her coming to my home in the middle of the night to confront me and my wife (then sleeping, as was my almost-three-year old elder son) about my "harassment" of her family. I met her outside and forbade her to enter my home, and was in the middle of yelling at her to get back in her car and go home when she made a break for it to dash past me across the street to do who knows what. Climb in the window (open, hot as it has been), or snag an opportunely exiting neighbor from my condo building to hold the door for her, whatever. I wasn't going to let her do that, so I put myself in a blocking position in front of her - think posting up like a basketball player in the paint, taking a charge...although my arm was extended in a bit of a Heisman pose with my elbow sticking out. She impaled herself, had the wind knocked from her, and took a soccer dive onto the ground and began sobbing and wailing loudly. My inner "nope" alarm went off and I went back inside before any curious passersby could flock to see why some dude was standing over a crying woman in the fetal position (and it would've looked for all intents and purposes like Ali's taunt standing over Liston). I called the cops but she was still there when they arrived. Stupidly (I was shitfaced), I stayed inside, not wanting it to become a he-said she-said type of scenario in which the guy usually loses by default. She got to make her statement, and then she and the cruisers drove off with no further ado.

    Next day, she begins to stalk my wife and mother (not sure how the hell she had their #s, must have gotten hold of my phone and mined them at some point) while blowing up my phone demanding I come sign a "voluntary termination of parental rights", with the obvious implication that she is blackmailing me into doing so, leveraging on whether or not she presses charges for the other night, having already claimed to have a bunch of 'marks' to incriminate me (which, if not consistent with scraped hands and knees from landing on them, were obviously self-inflicted...and yes she's that crazy and willful, and tough...)

    I have ignored all of her contact attempts since Wednesday night, and have set about taking legal action to compel her to submit to a paternity test so I can lay whatever claim is possible to my youngest son. If that means going to jail, so be it.

    Now, here's the problem: she's an extremely intelligent, manipulative, and charismatic pathological liar. She also has more friends than I do, and more resources. She has a rich daddy, whom she claims takes clients to eat @ the Palm for business lunches, and who occasionally loans her a private jet. So in all likelihood I'm going up against very competent legal representation, if not the best money can buy certainly much better on paper than I can buy. Especially since this has all resulted in me also losing my job, which didn't pay well do begin with. So on the dole, while looking for work, I have to somehow take on this juggernaut with very little chance of success.

    Here comes the hard part.

    I'm not someone to ask for help. Doing so is anathema to me. I've gone my whole life avoiding doing so at every turn, stubbornly, to a fault. It kills me to do. That doesn't matter anymore, though. My dignity and pride don't mean shit right now. All that matters to me is putting all my eggs into this basket, making this Hail Mary pass in the quite possibly vain hopes of establishing an ongoing relationship with my infant son, ensuring that he is aware of my existence growing up, and, more importantly yet, establishing a relationship between he and his older brother. I have two half-sisters and didn't find out about them until my teens, by accident, while snooping through files on my dad's computer and finding a draft of a letter to child services whining about them coming after him for child support when my "real biological father" was out there not paying any. Mind you, until that moment I thought my dad was my dad...not just a guy who stepped in like a white knight to raise me. I hated my parents for a long time for lying to me, and I refuse to put either of my children through being oblivious for part of all of their lives. It will be messy, and complicated, but having them grow up together and know each other as brothers is for the best, and the superior option to simply pretending none of this ever happened, I really do believe, with all my heart.

    I visited the courthouse in the mother's county yesterday, and was given a form to file with a constable or sheriff to have them serve her a summons. The woman at the counter asked me a bunch of basic questions to establish the situation, and interjected at one point "So you aren't on the birth certificate, her current husband is, and they were married as of the birth - and there has never been a paternity test done..." to which I answered yes, and she kind of looked at me cock-eyed and said "You know you're in the clear, right? You're nobody, legally, as far as this child is concerned. You don't owe the mother anything. If the husband's name is on the birth certificate, whether he's the biological father or not, all the paternal responsibilities are legally his." I realized that she is used to ghetto trash coming in every day looking to do the exact opposite, shirking their duties and being deadbeats. I had to assure her that, even though I'm on the poverty line, now unemployed, facing divorce and maybe soon to be homeless and/or railroaded & incarcerated for a while, that yes, I want to be legally recognized as the father and have to pay child support and everything. If that is what it takes for me to have any kind of relationship with him, so be it.
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  2. #2  
    So begins my long struggle, for a ball of wax from which I may end up getting very little return-on-investment. I am okay with that.

    I am, however, in way over my head. I have virtually no friends, no resources, no clue what I'm doing. A mountain of legal fees looms before me, and I'm penniless.

    So as much as I loathe to do it, here I am, throwing myself on the mercy of strangers on the internet, hoping to impose yourself on your goodwill in requesting that you do whatever you can to assist me if you believe my cause to be just and take everything I've said on good faith.

    This isn't a Reggie Hammond t-shirt racket. I'm promising nothing, and warning you in advance that if you give anything you are in all probability flushing money down the drain in a futile gesture of moral support. I can't even say victory is a likely outcome, to be honest. It really isn't.

    My position is very much like that of the preying mantis in the old Taoist proverb, which has its 'turf' on a patch of country road challenged by a merchant's oncoming push-cart, tenfold its size. Never standing down, the mantis rises up to full height, forelimbs pumping like a rugby player in the midst of a pregame intimidation ritual...until the fateful moment it gets crushed.

    My quest is downright Quixotic, if not plain stupid. But I am seeing it through.

    Needless to say, Ross, you might want to let your other admin buddy know to appoint someone new as vBookie, in case I suddenly disappear. Nobody liked the way I ran it anyway.

    Also, there may well need to be a new RBR guy, but there are plenty of capable posters who can pick up the baton Arriba once passed to me.

    If the above thus far hasn't induced you into a tl:dr coma, some more detailed background follows...



    Here's the email I sent to McGrain (among the very few in whom I confided) back in October 2012 when this first went down:

    So, in broad strokes:

    I fell in love with someone else (a coworker) and my wife found out. Wasn't looking for anything of the sort, just happened and spiralled out of control. Dream girl with horrible timing.
    After my wife confronted me about it Friday night, the plan was for us to go to counseling and try to work it out for the sake of our three month old son. I was given a list of terms (counseling being just the beginning...had to quit my job, confess to all our mutual acquaintances and my family, sleep on the couch for some time...) to agree to if I wanted to save the marriage and told that even should I jump through all the hoops it might still not work and she may not be able to forgive me. I said OK, definitely trying.
    That night, I called and told the other woman (call her L) that I'd been caught out, game's up. She told me that her ex-fiancee with whom she'd broken off the engagement earlier in the week (a long time coming, not just because of us) but who still had refused to move out had just assaulted her and choked her before she kicked him out - but failed to secure his house keys. He'd later claim this was merely a try at "rough makeup foreplay..." - right.
    Saturday morning she texted to ask how I was doing and I replied and asked the same.
    My wife interpreted all this extended communication (after having monitored my phone activity, as it's a family plan in her name) as me not being serious about working it out and that I was trying to carry on behind her back even after being thrown a lifeline. At 1:30am on Saturday she demanded my keys (it's her condo) and put me out. In her words, permanently. Says I'll be fortunate to see Aiden at all if she can help it.
    Wandered around town a bit and finally took a cab and stayed the night at my pal's after he finally responded to my calls at nearly 3am, having been out at a Halloween party. We polished off a bottle of cheap bourbon until sunrise while I told him all about it.
    Yesterday, was on my way home from his place to attempt to reconcile (despite having been told in no uncertain terms to not bother) when my phone notified me of a new voicemail. Must have missed the call while my train was underground.

    It was from L's #, but the voice was a man's... her ex-fiance, screaming "You're dead! I'm going to rip your fucking tits off! I hope you die, you piece of shit!" ...and in the background, muffled choking sounds were audible. Called back, no answer. Panicked,thinking the worst, and was about to phone the police to report an attempted or possible murder while hopping a cab to go kill the son of a bitch myself. Made a second attempt on her phone, though, and she picked up. She said her upstairs neighbors had called the cops already...very liky saving her life. She refused to press charges or tell them exactly what had happened, but they had to have known by looking at her when they came to take him away. By the time I arrived a short time later, her entire face was swollen. He had beaten the shit out of her. Savagely. Black eyes, golfball on her forehead, purplish brown bruising all down her cheek and in a 5" diameter around a bite on her arm.
    I tended to her, to the extent one can, painkillers and ice, fruitlessly begging her to get checked out in an emergency room for signs of concussion.
    She said he had flown off the handle when she told him about us. The terrible part is she'd done it on my advice when we chatted Sunday afternoon, not for the sake of us being together as I'd made plain my intent to fix my marriage, but because she was unhappy with him and couldn't ever seem to break it off all the way. Apparently, her telling him she loved me was the tipping point where he started throwing bombs. She also said he'd been drunk, which is a factor in her not wanting to "ruin his life over a mistake (?)" by telling the authorities and getting a restraining order...along with her feeling she "deserved" it, which I told her is fucking nonsense. She fucked him over, sure, but there are things men can't ever do to women and still be real men, no matter how drunk or how wronged. At least she got his keys this time before he was carted off.
    I spent the night, and now there's been a hurricane brewing in the area today causing most workplaces to close and the public transit to shut down. I'm torn. It's been nearly 48 hours since I last saw my son, and it really does behoove me to go home, swallow my dignity, and sort things out. L, however, is my only available ride back to the city from this shithole where she resides, and she is nervous about her ex's friend coming over to get his stuff tonight. She'd feel safer with me around and would prefer I stay again.
    Fucking mess, and of my own making.
    In the interest of not violating his privacy, I won't post any of his reply. Suffice to say it was short and sweet and exactly what I needed to hear, and provided me with a guiding light in some of the dark times over the last couple of years...as did a completely unrelated words-of-wisdom quote of his which is going on the first page of my autobiography if one is ever writ. ("Sometimes a thing is just worth doing.")


    These are screenshots from my argument the other night, to give you an idea how diabolically crazy this bitch is (for the record, she makes Jenna J seem like an angel):

    http://www.use.com/CZzTD

    My PayPal is CBlamire@gmail.com

    NO EXPECTATIONS. Whoever you are. Even if we're "online close". I'm not presupposing anybody's help, and fully realize I may get none whatsoever, deservedly so.

    This is a zero-sum game I'm playing and I need to exhaust whatever resources I can possibly think of. This is one. I apologize if my doing so has cost anybody whatever respect they may have for me.


    Phase 1: right now I'm off to pay a constable a bunch of money I can't afford to serve the couple a summons for a court hearing to determine whether my claim is strong enough for a paternity test is warranted.


    This is the fight of my life. Please help me.
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  3. #3  
    Senior Member Two Eggs's Avatar
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    I hope it all works out for you in the end, really i do!
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  4. #4  
    Quote Originally Posted by Two Eggs View Post
    I hope it all works out for you in the end, really i do!
    Thank you.
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  5. #5  
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    Damn mate, you're a great poster and if worst comes to worst to say you'll be missed is an understatement. I hope everything works out for you, this really does sound like a terrible situation to be in. Wish you all the best.
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  6. #6  
    "AP", thank you so much.
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  7. #7  
    Quote Originally Posted by Cafe View Post
    Damn mate, you're a great poster and if worst comes to worst to say you'll be missed is an understatement. I hope everything works out for you, this really does sound like a terrible situation to be in. Wish you all the best.
    Cheers mate.
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  8. #8  
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    Quote Originally Posted by IntentionalButt View Post

    I visited the courthouse in the mother's county yesterday, and was given a form to file with a constable or sheriff to have them serve her a summons. The woman at the counter asked me a bunch of basic questions to establish the situation, and interjected at one point "So you aren't on the birth certificate, her current husband is, and they were married as of the birth - and there has never been a paternity test done..." to which I answered yes, and she kind of looked at me cock-eyed and said "You know you're in the clear, right? You're nobody, legally, as far as this child is concerned. You don't owe the mother anything. If the husband's name is on the birth certificate, whether he's the biological father or not, all the paternal responsibilities are legally his." I realized that she is used to ghetto trash coming in every day looking to do the exact opposite, shirking their duties and being deadbeats. I had to assure her that, even though I'm on the poverty line, now unemployed, facing divorce and maybe soon to be homeless and/or railroaded & incarcerated for a while, that yes, I want to be legally recognized as the father and have to pay child support and everything. If that is what it takes for me to have any kind of relationship with him, so be it.
    Tough one, all around IB.

    Are you unwavering on the point I added in bold? If you are, I totally get it.

    But given the fact you were told you are legally off the hook (which I'm not convinced is accurate, although I'm certainly no expert), maybe this is something perhaps that time can sooth, where you might still be able to contribute to the child in some capacity you're comfortable with, without the necessity of legal obligation to do so?

    Not sure if that is practical, etc. But reading through this, that was the first thing that went through my head if I found myself in similar circumstances.

    Whatever the case, I hope this works out for the best to your satisfaction.
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  9. #9  
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    Maybe set up a "go fund me" page, you may find luck there.
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  10. #10  
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    IB, check your PM on ESB
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